Are You Where You Planned To Be?

My father always says, “You don’t plan to fail, you just failed to plan.” There is a great deal of truth to this. As my last post says, writing your goals on paper not only helps to guide you but it brings forth fruit that you may not see otherwise.

Goals should be written in seven areas of achievement:
Financial
Physical
Personal Development
Family
Spiritual
Social
Careers

Seeking job opportunities and employment were concerns as well as my ability to balance the work and family needs. Financial challenges are a bit off kilter, and I was well aware that I needed to vent more physically to bring my tone back to a happy balance. Well, after several conversations with my pastors, the church leadership team and my husband I needed direction for all the opportunities that were coming my way. How could I determine which way to go? I went back to my goals I’d written this spring.

One perfect example is I had been praying for a role in our church leadership. I wasn’t too crazy about having to meet with council each month added to the leadership role, but I knew I was called into another avenue of ministry work. When my pastor approached me in a meeting I was excited and careful to stay in balance, so I agreed to consider it and get back to him.

Visiting my goals sheet for my spiritual area, I had written down my purpose was to be involved with our church and teach scripture. That confirmed teaching three and four year olds again this year for Sunday school. Then the second goal was to inspire men and women to study Gods word. How better to do it than become part of the Adult Small groups team. Remember my one concern to not attend council meetings in addition to team meetings, as a member I wasn’t committed to attend, just the chair person was. It completely aligned with my goals even better than I’d hoped. God worked out the details and I get the blessings. That is how good it can be to know the goals I’d set and then have them become a reality.

Many other areas are pushing me along to success as well. Pursuing my dream to write I created this blog. Studying methods and reading new ways to write, I was convicted that I needed to write something each day. It was required in order to achieve my dream, but it aligned with my earlier goal. I’m reading the personal development books (3 to be exact already done and its only end of September) and using that information to propel me into the next wave of achievement.

I’m physically benefiting from my goal of a healthier me now with an accountability partner. We determined to loose some weight and to feel better all around. 20 minutes a day exercising to start off and strengthen my core to help chronic back pain. Then I have to imagine the end result rather than torture myself when progress is slow and go easy on my eating vices of baked goods and sweets. Not cut myself off completely, I just toned it down some. 

So Dad, you can be proud that all those comments have been heard! All of us can see proof that a solid goal is worth the time and thought when you hit it straight on.

How Life Finds You

When is the last time you set some goals? Something tangible of course usually declared at the new year and if you check back this time of year see how you are doing.

Last Spring I took the 48 Days challenge by Dan Miller to determine my calling. In his book, 48 Days to the Work You Love he is tough and asks hard questions that most of us shrug off and try to avoid. What are your short term goals and then long term goals?

Statistically only 3% of Americans take the time to set goals. "Only about 8% of the general population can identify clear goals and only 3% ever actually write them down. These are specific goals, not just "I want a bigger house or nicer car" variety."

"Everyone has dreams, but only a few ever turn those into goals. The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a timeframe of action attached." That hit home with me as I took major consideration to set some goals. Really just one goal isn't sufficient, we need to tap into more areas of life. Try these out and see how many you can set for yourself today.
-Financial
-Physical
-Personal Development
-Family
-Spiritual
-Social
-Career

"With definite goals you release your own power, and things start happening." Zig Ziglar

As I review my seven areas of goals I wrote down back in the Spring I can see how I have gravitated towards those quite directly. It amazed me how much my goals for a career now that I am unemployed surfaced in those areas of goal setting.

God gives us a hearts desire and often we sit and think just show me what you want me to do God, and I'll gladly do it. More times than not its the jouney that God gives us to arrive not the a-ha moment we end it with. So now I can see how those goals and that self evaluation is much more important than the process of checking them off a list.

Prayerfully consider writing some goals and either keep them out to view each day or put them away and visit much later to see the progress you're making. Either way we can see how life finds us or you can find the life that is in you!

40 Is Fabulous

A friend emailed me a story Andy Rooney had written and given on 60 Minutes segment. Here it is:

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of him self with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!


I'd always enjoyed Mr. Rooney and this is a great take and something I can relate to. My favorite part was his desire to apologize for all other men.

To Be Content or Not to Be?

Several years back, earlier days in my now 15 years of marriage, my father asked me how I was doing. I was profoundly hit with how happy I was but I had been struggling with Gods changes in me. Recognizing the improvements they brought to my life I answered my Father with, I am so content.”
Unfortunately he was not too impressed as the word content is received by most as a negative, not a positive. Are we supposed to never compromise and fight for everything with tenacity and fervor? I was so in Gods grace and delight that I was far enough away from the worlds view to delight in being content.

Years later I am baffled at how discontent I am and feeling the moment pregnant with change. The unknown of so many situations that are yet to resolve and all the adaptations my husband and I, not to mention the kids, to do all we can to stay ahead of bills and debt. We are trying to be better planners than ever before and more aware of the future for our children and our dreams. However, we are in the mode of have to do rather than doing what we love and being content.

But isn’t that how God works in our lives? He brings us into a content place with relation to us as we come closer to Him. Then He challenges us in every aspect of that relationship then as that is reshaped and at its best He gives us peace. Soon we seek that peace in all our circumstances and find that it isn’t as easy to change. We have people and responsibilities to answer to. We have promises to keep and bosses to please. We have plans that need to be changes or redirected. We find deeper desires and wonder why we have to plan and wait for those to come about.

I struggle with the have to things in my life and dream of a day when I can determine what I spend my time on. When I can be in charge of all aspects of my day again, has become the greater desire to attain pursuit of the dreams I’ve put off. My desire for my husband to change jobs and seek other became reality when the business we had for 11 years needed to close so he could seek income. What I wanted was for him to seek greater challenge and income. Soon we found there were no choices just a desperate move to work any job that would pay the bills. I see the disappointment in his eyes and I wonder if I was the one who brought this upon us in my discontentment. What we had was a better schedule, more time together and contentment.

Maybe this is the way we learn contentment. To not have it, but it’s the classic grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Perhaps in this pregnant moment as change looms before us financially we will seek smarter options and to be content in all circumstances rather than when we have what we think we deserve or desire. We are all better than we deserve. Christ paid the price to give us life. Perhaps it isn’t being content in our circumstances but finding contentment in all circumstances because we have the promise of new life or everlasting life. Focusing on Christ is a better use of our time rather than stewing about our own live and what we don’t have. I hope I will be that better person when the tides turn, that I will give God the glory for all my circumstances and others will see Him in their life more large than the struggles we ponder. He is bigger than we can fathom. He has a plan and we only need to trust and we will be delivered, if not in the world in this life…maybe it will be our eternal home. I know now that I will choose to change my stars and not let life dictate where I will stand here and now with things. I choose to be happy and content now. How are you feeling? Are you content, or is that conditional to your happiness?

Dwell Well

Reading from "You Are Rich" the scripture Phillipians 4:8 reads "If anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Whatever is good we should think on it. What do we dwell on? Usually ourselves or our circumstances is my honest answer. And as I shared this lesson with my nine year old, I had to simplify it.

One phrase: You move toward that upon which you dwell.

When we say comments like, "I'm not looking very good today," or "I'm not very pretty" there are two things to notice. First, where is the focus - on your or on God? Second, is the comment to yourself positive or negative? Self talk is image setting. What you say or think is what you become.

Ever notice how you have something you really don't want to do so you get a sick feeling inside? Suddenly we begin to talk ourselves into feeling bad and suddenly, we feel miserable. The power of suggestion in just that... powerful. How much power do you pack in your words to others or to yourself? Imagine showing up to a meeting with a new haircut/color and a sharp new outfit you carefully selected for this meeting. You feel like a million bucks and you look like a million bucks. Everyone notices and everyone comments on it. The attention is on you, and if you're like most people you love it. But the best part is you represent Gods image so much better with a positive attitude rather than a negative one. If you dwell too much on your image it becomes destructive because we get into the comparison trap. Its Gods image that made you great. Dwell on Him.

If you imagine yourself a frumpy, drab, or uninteresting person most people with think so too. You are what you dwell on. So are you fun, energetic and exciting? If you think so others will too.

I shared with my child that God has a special plan for her life. He had those plans in mind when He created her. He doesn't make mistakes. So focusing on becoming that person will get her closer to that person much faster. I took a while getting where I am in relationship with God, seeking His will before seizing my own. I learned that His name is what makes me great. The outside will benefit from the beauty within more than any external beauty could affect the character.

Focusing on God and Who He is and learning to appreciate or find joy in being who He made you to be is what makes the journey memorable and most worth while. You are that upon which you dwell. Make it worth while and positive. Use your words to yourself and others carefully because they propel you to become that person, and we represent a God Who cares very much what we say about Him Who dwells within us.

Heart of a Man

As a young girl, my first image of a man was my father. He would awaken me on weekends by tickling my face by drawing on it with his finger. As I stirred awake he would add sound affects like rushing down the ski slope of my nose and flying high until crashing onto my chin. He was patient and persistent awaiting the giggle that would always follow. As I grew up I recall getting grumpier and wishing he would just leave me alone when I wanted to sleep in. That is until I realized he was no longer seeking me. I felt the pang of loss and the prick of independence from the man I loved the most.

Reading the first sentence probably brought the truth about your father figure into your mind with either love and adoration or pain and disappointment. Look at what you see and examine how you feel with your father’s image in your mind. How easily we can scan the years of memories that flash before us recalling the good, the bad, and the ugly of those men.

Fortunately for me it was as wonderful then as it is now when I speak with my Dad. But how does what we saw or had in our fathers get projected onto our significant others? Do we expect the man we marry to be as wonderful or sweet to us as our own Fathers? I know I did.

Do we seek the male identity and bash it because its so vastly different in its chemistry and creation than our female selves? If you’ve ever posed that question to your friends my guess is we have shared in the oddities at our husbands’ expense far too often. We acknowledge no boundaries to our bashing from their fashion sense to their usefulness with tools or their handiwork in the bedroom. I know because I’ve done it more than I care to admit. This cycle drove me further from loving him entirely and no longer wanting to be his helper. It became an attitude that lingered everywhere else in our relationship.

Through my studies of scripture and books I’ve read, my conclusion is men are way more simple than women. They are much stronger than women on the outside, but are much more vulnerable on the inside. They grow up trying to roll with the punches and silence their feelings while women are allowed to develop those inner emotions ans social skills. Men are told not to stand down but to stay firm or they will be labeled as weaklings’. Showing emotions are a sign of weakness that must be avoided. That works for them as they grow into adolescence but is a disaster after puberty when they finally want to speak to girls but have no skills. They bumble through until there is a woman who admires them, and then they flourish.

The only power women have over men is discovering what that man wants most, so she can give it to him sometimes for a price. I've discovered what my husband wants most is respect. Rarely can we do damage to a man on the outside, he has his defenses up. But degrade him and berate him in front of others and his insides are internally bleeding. With no skills to tell us how we’ve made him feel, there is outward disdain and lowered respect that will carry on until we somehow manage to regain his trust.

But the men in the sitcoms just grin and bear it. They just let it roll off their backs like to water on a ducks back! We must be careful of our knowledge of our men. When the only person they let into thier vulnerabilities turns on them they are done for. They perceive the knife in your hand stabbing their heart is the one that they’ve handed over to you.

Learning that, I experienced a flash of times when I wounded my husband deeply. “You just don’t make enough money.” “You aren’t enough for me, I need my friends.” “What is the matter with you? Can’t you fix it sooner than that?” It was no wonder when those Saturdays we’d wake up and just snuggle were replaced with agenda’s and errands. Once again I recall wishing he would just leave me alone when I wanted to sleep in. That is until I realized he was no longer seeking me. I felt the pang of loss and the prick of independence from the man I loved the most.

Now, since I've grown up to the ripe age of 40, I can see how deeply he needs me. The funny thing is that I discovered how deeply I need him as well. This independent woman who still loves to have quite time, and sleep in or spend nights out dancing with my girlfriends... wants to be at his side to be his helper and friend. I let him into my darkest parts of my life and he still loves me. How much better can that be than with our Heavenly Father who loves more still? Well it is my slice of Heaven on earth at its best. When times are their worst (no time like the present) it is a deep satisfaction that we are in it together no matter what!

How do you see your spouse? Is it perception or reality? Do you seek to satisfy your expectations or are you able to love them completely? The book "Fireproof" helps us to understand that the things we dislike most about our spouses is usually the natural opposite of the things we love most about them. How amazing is that to help you overlook those few things to receive the benefits of all the rest.

Ballroom Diva

One sunny summer day a new friend shared with me her hearts desire being revealed to her while sitting beside her pool with our combined five kids squealing and splashing in the water. It wasn’t a deep hidden secret, it was a beautiful thing that she hadn’t been able to do, or where to go and wondered if it would honor God. Her summer reading material by Rick Warren was discovering what it is you would get up to do at 4 am and love every minute of it. She is a better morning person than I am but I had to really ponder that one. It was an immediate decision for her as she has skated; dance roller skated rather, between the awkward age 11-16. She loved the dancing part and was bored with the skating technique she had to master in order to enjoy the dance. Waltz’s, Foxtrots and others made her heart feel alive as she worked so hard each day to compete at her best level. Now at 37 she was confirmed that God could use her passion for dance to touch the lives of others. She found a ballroom studio and enrolled with an instructor. Her fears were clearly needless as God brought her to a young man who was also a firm Christian with a love of dance he shared with his fiancé as well.

Months later she invited me to come join her at a dance party the studio put on each Friday. I was driving there, dressed to dance as she has instructed (a point my husband encouraged me to do as well) and I was scared. As I came closer to the studio the butterflies danced in my stomach. Excuses came easy. I could just go to the mall and tell my friend that I had errands to run. I was sure I would embarrass myself and others; maybe I could go but just watch. I could go to the movies and sit there in the dark. Then a little voice inside of me said, “This is it, what you’ve been waiting for. Go and join the fun!”

I arrived and shocked my friend ready to dance. We participated in the group class and then the music came on and we waited for those five magic words… “Would you like to dance?”

That night I was transformed from thinking about doing something wild and crazy to doing it as often as possible. There is nothing more satisfying in an evening for $7 and getting exercise while looking fine all dressed up! I began a romance with Ballroom dancing at that very moment. It was a new identity that I was learning about and wanted to know all I could as fast as I could. It was something that nothing else could do to make me feel like a woman. Not because of any man swooning over me or seeking romance, but to let my hair down and do something I truly loved doing. Then God gave me some frosting on my cake that night. Not only did I realize how much I loved ballroom dancing, I had some skills too. Wow!

I became that ballroom diva and I never want to let it go. The music the lights, the costumes and glamour! A girl’s dream of dressing up and going to the ball was finally fulfilled and it was my life. Then God showed me again that I didn’t have to do it alone, my new friend was there beside me and we giggled and cooed and went for it all together! We shall never live another dull Friday night at home or just hanging out, not when we can go dancing!

So what will you do at 4 am in the morning like nothing else? What brings you the greatest joy? What are you doing instead? How about trying out something you’ve always dreamed of trying and see how it makes you feel? Instead of letting life talk you out of it and finding excuses, take a risk. You just might discover something new that can bring you joy!