Several years back, earlier days in my now 15 years of marriage, my father asked me how I was doing. I was profoundly hit with how happy I was but I had been struggling with Gods changes in me. Recognizing the improvements they brought to my life I answered my Father with, I am so content.”
Unfortunately he was not too impressed as the word content is received by most as a negative, not a positive. Are we supposed to never compromise and fight for everything with tenacity and fervor? I was so in Gods grace and delight that I was far enough away from the worlds view to delight in being content.
Years later I am baffled at how discontent I am and feeling the moment pregnant with change. The unknown of so many situations that are yet to resolve and all the adaptations my husband and I, not to mention the kids, to do all we can to stay ahead of bills and debt. We are trying to be better planners than ever before and more aware of the future for our children and our dreams. However, we are in the mode of have to do rather than doing what we love and being content.
But isn’t that how God works in our lives? He brings us into a content place with relation to us as we come closer to Him. Then He challenges us in every aspect of that relationship then as that is reshaped and at its best He gives us peace. Soon we seek that peace in all our circumstances and find that it isn’t as easy to change. We have people and responsibilities to answer to. We have promises to keep and bosses to please. We have plans that need to be changes or redirected. We find deeper desires and wonder why we have to plan and wait for those to come about.
I struggle with the have to things in my life and dream of a day when I can determine what I spend my time on. When I can be in charge of all aspects of my day again, has become the greater desire to attain pursuit of the dreams I’ve put off. My desire for my husband to change jobs and seek other became reality when the business we had for 11 years needed to close so he could seek income. What I wanted was for him to seek greater challenge and income. Soon we found there were no choices just a desperate move to work any job that would pay the bills. I see the disappointment in his eyes and I wonder if I was the one who brought this upon us in my discontentment. What we had was a better schedule, more time together and contentment.
Maybe this is the way we learn contentment. To not have it, but it’s the classic grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Perhaps in this pregnant moment as change looms before us financially we will seek smarter options and to be content in all circumstances rather than when we have what we think we deserve or desire. We are all better than we deserve. Christ paid the price to give us life. Perhaps it isn’t being content in our circumstances but finding contentment in all circumstances because we have the promise of new life or everlasting life. Focusing on Christ is a better use of our time rather than stewing about our own live and what we don’t have. I hope I will be that better person when the tides turn, that I will give God the glory for all my circumstances and others will see Him in their life more large than the struggles we ponder. He is bigger than we can fathom. He has a plan and we only need to trust and we will be delivered, if not in the world in this life…maybe it will be our eternal home. I know now that I will choose to change my stars and not let life dictate where I will stand here and now with things. I choose to be happy and content now. How are you feeling? Are you content, or is that conditional to your happiness?
